Now that we have almost reached the end of this pregnancy, I wanted to post one more blog before we get to meet our little guy.

My little man has not made this an easy pregnancy, however, I have enjoyed every last minute of it. I was so uncomfortable with Briley’s pregnancy– I was definitely more sick and for longer. But the fatigue and the pain of Beau’s has been very challenging. But when you hope and pray so deeply for something for so long, only to deal with one heart break after another, you tend to not take things for granted. If you missed the first post about our little miracle baby.. you can read it HERE. I never thought I’d be one to say this.. but I’ve enjoyed this pregnancy so, so much.. and I’m going to miss this baby belly.

When I first posted that blog about the struggles that we had faced trying to conceive this time I received an overwhelming amount of messages and emails from clients, friends and complete strangers who had or WERE facing the exact same thing. Some had only been struggling a few months while others had faced this for years. From the moment I received each of these messages I prayed for each family and their unique situation. I still pray for each of these beautiful women and look forward to receiving messages from them that they too are expecting their little miracle babies.

It was this month last year that we suffered our 2nd loss. Even more bitter was the fact that it was during SIDS, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. My heart goes out to each and every family who have experienced and been affected by any of these. God does have a purpose for everything.. and his timing IS perfect. It’s just sometimes difficult to see that in the midst of the storm.

Being pregnant now and being just a few short weeks away from meeting our little boy, does not erase the pain of losing our other 2 babies. They will not be forgotten, or replaced. I have my own ways of remembering our 2 angels. As confused and unsure as I was during those times and as much as that pain remains, I do know that without that part of God’s plan, we would not have our Beau. God’s timing is perfect. God is greater. Greater than the pain. Greater than the struggles. Greater than anything we could of prayed or hoped for.

During those 2 years and in dealing with all of that there was a song that I listened to daily. It was on repeat on my iPod. Sometimes I listened to it and cried.. sometimes I smiled and rejoiced in knowing that he had everything under control. For the longest time I would pray that God would send me a peace. If we were to be a family of 3, that he would fill this space I had in my heart that ached to grow our family. I felt there was a piece missing. I prayed that he would fill it and that we could begin to move on. Day after day my prayer went unanswered. There was always that voice saying to be patient… and to pray and to not lose faith. I knew this song by heart. Briley knew this song by heart.. and she sang it with me.

I was sure by now, God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away,
Stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
That it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear your whisper through the rain
I’m with you
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
The God who gives and takes away
And I’ll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
That you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone how can I carry on
If I can’t find you
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain
I’m with you
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
The God who gives and takes away
And I’ll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
That you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The maker of heaven and earth
And I’ll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
That you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

Praise you in this Storm by Casting Crowns

It gave me chills. It still does. Not only was this song a perfect example of what we were going through.. but now.. after all that time and all that pain, we are expecting our little Rainbow baby. I never knew what a rainbow baby was.. until we were expecting one.

“A rainbow baby is born after a loss of a previous child. It is understood that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of any storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that we are not still dealing with it’s aftermath. It means that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover, but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.”

Our little rainbow, after the storm.

To all of you who contacted me after my first post. Those of you who are still on your journey. I hope that you’ll continue to keep me updated. I’ll continue to pray for each and everyone of you. Remember that in the hardest of times.. in the midst of the storm. It DOES pass.. and he has a purpose for everything. His timing IS perfect.

As far as Briley.. she is just beside herself. She could not be more excited. She talks to him daily. Asks me what he’s doing. Talks about how it will be when he gets here. I have no doubt that she will be the best big sister ever. She loves him so much already. :) Her only issue is the amount of time we’ve had to wait to meet him. She has lost all patience. But we are nearing the end.. less than 4 weeks away. Last week I had my last sonogram before he’ll make his arrival. We saw a head FULL of hair and best of all.. a very healthy heart (which was a concern throughout the pregnancy, until this point.) We cannot wait to meet our favorite little boy in the whole world… and let him meet our favorite little girl/Bear in the whole world. ;)